Throughout my career as a Wellness professional, I’ve seen the need for improved self esteem, confidence, and self-love in many of my clients. So why aren’t we talking about it?

I believe that it’s the one thing many of us are here to learn. To truly love ourselves. This is the common thread for so many people whom I have worked with over the past 30 years. And it’s one of the biggest factors that prevents them from healing their own lives.

So why do we cling so tightly to our choice to not love ourselves? Why does the declaration of love for one’s self seem taboo? For each person, there are different reasons. Family environment, social surroundings, economic status, gender, race, religion can all play a role.

Still, I feel there is a greater problem at play here beyond our personal environment. It’s the problem is that not loving ourselves has actually served us in some way. At some point in our lives, it became easier to go with the flow of lowering our self esteem. It feels safer to comply than to rebuke what the world around has implied is our reality. Even when that’s not true. In an attempt to protect us from the outside world’s opinions, we became part of the problem. And so, many go on feeling unworthy because, in some way, that has been what they were told they were. And then those messages became our beliefs about ourselves.

Here is some of the misconstrued thinking I have heard over the years;

“I don’t deserve to love myself.”

“A good person loves others first.”

“We should put others before ourselves.”

“We must please those around us, or risk ridicule and judgement.”

“I’d rather not rock the boat.”

“It’s easier to continue to hurt myself than to allow the world to hurt me anymore.”

These words are heartbreaking, yet I can relate because I used to believe some of these things too! But beliefs can be changed. I have since turned those false beliefs around and I am no longer afraid to love myself. It might be a long, slow road to accept and eventually learn to love one’s self. But iif I can do this then you can too.

It’s time to stop beating yourself up. Time to learn ways to accept and honor yourself. Learning to love ourselves is not an overnight job. A few years worth of effort may have to go in to reverse the damages done. And even then, some of the emotional baggage may still be carried with you. Yet, there is hope. You can learn to change how you feel about yourself. To see yourself as worthy, and loveable, and as enough just as you are.

We have been fed a lie by the world around us that we are less than whole. The first step is to acknowledge this. Then we can start to look for small ways to start bringing in practices to improve the way we feel about ourselves.Learning to care for your body, mind and spirit with nurturing movement, a healthy diet, self compassion and self forgiveness, are the best places to start. Keep things simple and choose gentle changes at first. Start with the suggestions below, and work with them for a while. Notice how they begin to shift the way you feel towards yourself over time.

Take a moment.  Take sacred time for yourself every day. Numerous times.  Each morning, pause in the shower or bath, close your eyes and take a few slow breaths. Tell yourself that these few moments are for you only. There is no rush, you are worth this 30 seconds to pause and breath some kindness into your body. Assure yourself that even if you don’t know how yet, you are willing to feel loving thoughts toward yourself. – This is a very slow starting place, but it can be effective over time. Keep gifting yourself these few moments each day for as long as it takes until you begin to notice that you start to look forward to this sacred time of yours. Increase these moments over time and begin to bring them in more places throughout your day. At bedtime, during a lunch break, mid-afternoon. This practice can be very subtle yet powerful.

Massage your skin with oil. The art of touch is a very powerful tool for shifting how we feel towards our bodies. We can learn to forgive the body for its perceived faults and imperfections. For seemingly letting us down and not being the perfect image of what we thought it should be. And we can connect to the body to bring in healing and improve self confidence.

Choose an organic oil like sunflower seed oil, olive oil, or coconut oil. After you bathe or shower is an opportune time to massage your body. If you feel awkward about giving your whole body a rub down, then simply start with the hands and the feet. Lay out an old towel that you don’t mind getting a little oil stained. Don’t use your good towels. Sit somewhere comfortably – perhaps on a folded towel. Pour a small amount of the oil into your palms and rub the oil between the palms to warm it. You can add a little more oil later as you need it. Begin to gently rub the oil onto the feet or the hands. Use a soft touch to begin, and massage all the fingers and toes. Move on to gently wring the hands (or feet) with a firm squeezing action. Work to your comfort level with this. You may wish to close your eyes and soften your breath. With the eyes closed simply notice how this feels. If you are comfortable with your massage you may choose to move up to the wrist or the ankles, then even further up the limbs. Work up the body as far as you feel comfortable. Make sure not to rush your massage.

Devote time for this at least a few times per week. You can eventually increase to a daily morning and evening massage. This will also help you connect more deeply with your body. As your massage evolves, you can begin to tell your body kind things and thank it for all your body does for you each day. Breathing, pumping blood to your heart and so on. Forgive your body – or better yet, you can ask your body to forgive you for any harm you may have caused it in the past.Send some loving kindness into the cells and tissues of your body. And watch how this changes your feelings toward yourself over time. Self massage can be a deeply self loving method for healing emotion and pain.

Say, “Hello” to your mirror. How often have you looked in the mirror and cringed or criticized the face looking back at you? Probably many, if not hundreds of times.  Looking at our own face in the mirror is sometimes tough. Certainly most of us are not taught to look with love into the image staring back at us. This may be a difficult practice to begin, and yet this is a powerful way to open a more loving dialogue with ourselves.

You can use your bathroom mirror or a compact handheld one if you like. Begin by looking at your own eyes. Try to hold your own gaze for a count of 10. While you do this, offer a soft smile to yourself. Breathe. For some people this can be incredibly tough, so hang in there. This is big work.  Next, while still looking into your eyes, say these words to yourself, “Hello, (your name). I am willing to love you.” You may need many attempts over a few days or even weeks before you feel comfortable enough to move deeper into conversation with your mirror self.

When you feel ready, offer these words to yourself, “ I love you, I really, really love you.” Again, this may be very difficult, yet the effort over time is worth the payoff. As you become more comfortable with this exercise you may notice how it positively affects your self esteem and confidence.

Healthy Eating. This one may seem obvious, yet time and time again, I have come across people who haven’t realized the connection between how they feel mentally, emotionally and physically to what they are eating. Cleaning up our diet by removing excess sugar, fats and processed foods can have a rewarding effect on our overall health and mental well being. This plays out in how we feel in so many ways. From the common feelings of guilt for overeating, eating junk food and beverages, to the mood swings related to a sugar crash, or the anxiety connected with too much caffeine use. When we begin to cut back or eliminate unhealthy substances, we actually improve our mood. And our emotional state will shift as a result of stepping out of the self guilt cycle that many feel after choosing to eat junk that we know is not good for us.

Beyond consciously choosing to eat unhealthy foods and then feel bad about it, there are also chemical effects on our physiology occurring that you might not be conscious of. These side-effects can be detrimental. They stand in the way of our capacity to feel love towards ourselves by making us feel more lethargic, cranky and less patient. Combat these food-related cycles by adding in more healthy foods. Eat your veggies! Shift to bigger portions of vegetables and fruits, leaving less room on your plate for the other stuff. An increase of real fruit and vegetables into your diet, not canned, processed, or packaged ones, will boost your vitamin, mineral and fibre intake. Which improves your body’s ability to manage the hormones that affect your moods. This is a win, win situation. Not only can your body, then function better physically, your mood also improves too. It’s easier to feel good about ourselves when we are in a more positive mood.

Hold these practices close and keep them to yourself in the beginning. Think of your process as fragile and delicate. Be kind and gentle. Practice them consistently. And, over time, you can begin to move toward accepting yourself more and eventually liking parts of yourself, and then loving yourself again.

It’s that time of year. We are moving into “holiday season” and all of it’s delights. Pay attention and you can experience “holiday” with all five senses. Open the door to the Halloween kids and SEE the scary monsters and silly clowns. HEAR their sing-song voices and FEEL the cool air on your skin. SMELL the scent of dry leaves collecting around your doorstep. TASTE the sweetness of Halloween candy – just one piece, right?

Holiday time, with it’s fun festivities and sweet indulgences offers an extra-rich load to the senses. It can take us to the edge of overstimulation (and beyond), leading to dis-ease in body, mind, and spirit.

Before the holiday train really starts rolling, let’s take a moment to consider – how can we avoid over-stressing our senses – how can we HONOR our senses as part of the celebration?

Sensory Input is like Candy for the Soul

Honoring the senses gives way to a richer, more vibrant existence and keeps us in alignment with ancient wisdom. Ayurveda teaches us that one of the three causes of disease is asatmendriyartha samyoga – disrespecting the senses. When we disregard the information we receive from our senses, when our daily habits confuse, dull, or damage the senses, we interrupt the flow of energy in the body, leading to dis-ease.

On the flip side, we can use the wisdom of asatmendriyartha samyoga to improve well-being and enjoy life more. We can treat our our five senses – sight, sound, scent, taste, and touch – with kindness and respect, and bring healing and harmony to our physical and emotional bodies.

Five “tricks” to treat your senses this fall, and all year ‘round.

Sound Sensation

Give your sense of hearing your full attention. Close your eyes and just listen. What sensations come through your ears? Big sounds, small sounds, sudden surprising sounds? Sweet, subtle sounds?

Take that all in.

And then, take in more. What sound can you observe in your internal self? Are there gurgles in your tummy? Thumping in your chest? Grinding between your teeth?

And now, take in more.

What sound do you perceive with your being? What sensation do you connect to in the room? In the neighborhood? In the world?

Finally, what can you learn from the sounds you have so carefully and lovingly received?

Aromatherapy

The use of essential oils has exploded in popularity, but this plant medicine is not new. Ancient civilizations used essential oils for for ritual, medicine, and perfume. Use essential oils to simply give your sense of smell a little love.

Choose an oil based on how it makes you feel. The properties of the plant and the memories or instincts you associate with it can guide you to choose an oil. For example:  

• Uplifting/Invigorating: Citrus, Peppermint
• Grounding: Cedarwood, Frankincense
• Calming: Lavender, Rose

Choose how you want to bring that scent into your life. What would feel like a real treat?

One way is to add a few drops of a calming or grounding oil to a carrier oil and rub it into your feet before bedtime. Do this with intention, and make sure you really notice the scent of the oil and how it settles into your whole being.

Rest Your Eyes

What a miracle it is to have the sense of sight. They are open and “on” almost all of our waking hours. Ayurveda can teach us many practices for the eyes. Yoga Health Coach, Mary Sullivan gives us nine great tips for soothing tired eyes, and they are all simple and easy.

My favorite soothing eye treatment is a lavender eye pillow placed over my eyes at bedtime. The coolness and weight of the pillow on my brow is refreshing and comforting, and the lavender makes this a two-fer eye-and-nose treat! You can even make your own eye pillow. Here’s are simple instructions from Yoga Journal.

Love the Skin You’re In

Your skin protects the body, regulates temperature, excretes waste through sweat, and alerts you to changes in your environment through touch, pressure, temperature, and pain. Giving loving attention to your skin keeps this amazing organ in good health and it is a portal to deeply loving your whole self.

The Ayurvedic way to care for the skin is through self massage, or Abhyanga. The list of health benefits of self-massage is impressive (calming the nerves, lubricating joints, improving sleep, and more), but the personal nourishment that can be experienced through this practice is what moves me. It took some time to establish a self-massage practice, but now I do it every morning. For me, it sets the tone for a mindful day, and reminds me to appreciate my whole self.

Taste the Rainbow

Our taste buds allow us to take pleasure in the food we eat. The sense of taste also serves as a protector, helping us find and gather nutritious foods and to avoid toxic ones.

Understanding taste from an Ayurvedic perspective teaches us which tastes are best suited for our individual constitutions and needs, and how to use food to correct imbalances and restore vibrant health.

But for today, let’s just celebrate the sense of taste by using it to the fullest. Whatever you choose to eat today, go for variety and eat with attention. Fill your plate with several colors of food. Try a new food. When you take a bite, notice the flavor, texture, temperature. Perceive it with your whole being. What does juicy feel like? What is the taste of green?

Mindfully eating can bring you a whole new awareness and appreciation for what you take in to your body.

The Ultimate Delight for the Senses

Your amazing senses are always at work – protecting, entertaining, and nourishing you. Honoring the senses with your gratitude is the ultimate practice and treat.

Do this today: Place your hands over each of your sense organs, and give thanks. You can do this in two minutes. Cultivate this gratitude and reverence for your senses, and they will treat you with the same devotion and love.

One of my children’s favorite family activities is when we give each other a foot massage.  As a Mom of four I am constantly looking for ways to replenish myself.  I also like to show my children that there easy ways of taking care of yourself right at home.  These self-care practices are a way you can make your body, mind, and heart healthy.  In fact, foot massage can have a direct impact on your immune system.  When your senses have time to soak in the relaxation of muscle, fat, and nerve tissue it can actually strengthen who you are. This sense of self is the base for cellular intelligence. In  Chinese Medicine and in Ayurvedic Medicine this relationship or understanding reinforces where you begin and the outside world begins.  There is superfine hormone like material that helps control your immunity.  It is considered the first physically recognizable matter in all bodily tissues.  In Ayurvedic Medicine it is called “Ojas”.

How to Teach Massage to Kids

We can teach our children to “Love thyself” and to love their bodies at any age.

I find it interesting that “Ojas” means “essence of love” when translated from Sanskrit.  This matter is also known as your creative potential. Therefore, for your body to have immunity it must know itself deeply in its present moment and in the receiving of its future growth.  “Love thyself” is not just a way of treating yourself, but becomes your body’s code for identification.  This “Ojas” shows up in every cell of your body. When the body is producing and maintaining Ojas in its system it can give off a blissful state to the consciousness of the individual.    To build love, builds your immunity, builds your bones, builds your connection. No one can deny the love that little children exude on the planet. Self massage helps them to learn how to contain and cultivate their creativity and strength.  It will provide them with a lifetime of wellness.

I like offer times for foot massage when we are tired, feeling over- active, or at the changing over of a season.

How to do foot massage with your kids:

• Get out your towels
• Make the room cozy(you can burn some candles, incense, light a fire, turn down the lights)
• Take off your sox
• Take turns giving and receiving

If the feet are dry use oil(cooking oil is fine(sesame or coconut is recommended)- just keep it safe from your rugs and very little hands).  **Note- it is not recommended to use oil when someone has a fever.

First, I give them a foot massage so they can feel it or have them watch me give someone else a massage as I put it to a story.  You can make up your own.  I like to use a story so that the younger children have something to picture in their heads. I recommend using a story where the children are traveling so that they pick up the sense that they are needing to be gentle, quiet, and watchful when giving massage.

Kids Massage- Make it fun!

Telling a story is one of the best ways to make kids massage even more fun.

My oldest still remembers from when she was four and I taught her class about some astronauts landing on the moon.  That was five years ago and my kids correct me if I forget a part. This is a version of that story:

Pretend your hands are a rocket ship taking off. First, heat up the rocket boosters by rubbing your hands together until you feel the fire then blast off your ship (hands interlocked) into space.  Find a “moon” foot to land on making sure to take a slow approach so you don’t crash your ship.  Once landed, take out you first two fingers for these are the bravest of your astronauts. These astronauts will want to explore, but remember they have special boots that make them move very slowly.  They have to push off from one finger to the next to get around the moon.  The astronauts find a hill at the top of the “moon” foot and so they climb up and slide down landing on a toe.  This is great fun so they do this many times.

One time they slide so far they almost fall off the top of the moon and without any gravity they have to hold on to the toes to keep from flying away.  As they are hanging off the toes they discover the underside of the moon.  It is built up with rivers and mountains.  It looks so beautiful that they quickly run back to their ship to get all the other astronaut fingers.   They climb to the very top of the foot. All together with one giant push they slide down the foot and as they hold onto each toe they are able to make it to the other side.

They decide they would like to stay on this part of the moon for a long time.   Luckily they brought tents for the trip and their tools.  They would need to set up camp and then go out looking for food.  Twisting their knuckles gently along the bottom of the moon they are able to make holes for the stakes. Once they get the tents up they hammer each corner stake in case it gets windy.   The camp is all set up so they head out to find food.  First, they climb to the bottom and look around the heel. There is no food. So, they venture to climb up the foot towards the toes. Almost by accident they discover when they touch the tip of each toe out fall some “moon” apples. These were quite good.  The skin of the apple was a shiny yellow color and it made them feel strong.  They jumped up and down with delight.

They spent three days exploring the bottom of the moon and on the third night they decided it was time to clean up. They gently collapsed their tents. And, with their shovels this time they covered the holes they had made for their stakes. Once finished, they packed up their bags and made sure everything was picked up. Then, they swept up (using the tips of their fingers) and hiked back to the ship. Saying goodbye they warmed up their boosters and blasted away back for home.

Have fun creating your own foot massage adventure.

Sarah has recently moved to Harvard,Massachusetts with her husband and four children (Chloe, Jocelyn, Declan, and Violet).  Her approach in the pioneering field of mindfulness and wellness for children draws from more than twenty years experience working and playing with children of all ages as coach, teacher, wellness practitioner, and mother. After finishing her psychology degree at Providence College, she went on to become certified as a Neuromuscular Therapist, a certified practitioner of  Zen Therapy®, and is presently a student of Ayurveda.  Sarah cultivates a child’s innate vibrancy for a lifetime of wellness.  You can email her at Sarah@sarahwellness.com and check out her site www.sarahwellness.com.

For Cate’s Healthier Kids Workshop: Click Here